So I got flown to the valley because I was in preterm labor at 31 weeks. I had to stay in the hospital for 4 days and it wasn't easy staying there with the horrible food and the nurses bugging me every time the babies went of the monitor and constantly laying on my back. They also had magnesium running into my veins and that crap is NO FUN! I had to do an amniotic reduction where they stick a needle in your belly to reduce the fluid in the babys sac. I was terrified of a big needle going into my belly and scared that it might hurt the girls or might not even work.. But I have a great doctor and he did a good job and the procedure wasn't as painful as I thought it was going to be. Whew.. I was glad when it was over.. I had to get that procedure done because the twins have twin to twin transfusion.. It basically means that they aren't sharing the way they should be. Baby b was giving baby a all her nutrients and fluid and I think maybe thats because baby b knows baby a has a heart problem. Well after they reduced the fluid I was no longer contracting and i closed up my cervix a little bit. So i finally got released Saturday. THANK GOD!
The doctor still doesn't want me to return home so I have been staying in the valley at Pace and Nichole's house.. and I don't mind being here and getting to know them and spending more time with them but i haven't seen my son in a week now and i feel so stressed and I don't feel complete. I miss my lil guy so much and have been having to stress about his father taking care of him and taking care of my apartment. I can't go back to work and thats very stressful thing to think about because I am the only income. Thank goodness I have Pace and Nichole they understand my situation and are willing to help me out when I get back to get back on track.. They have been completely supportive of me and have been making my life a lot easier to deal with.
So my doctor suggested that we deliver these girls in two weeks.. I will be 34 weeks. Man I can't tell you how scared I am getting and a little concerned with how hard its going to be leaving and going home without them… I haven't really wanted to think about it and I just hope i am not a complete wreck when the time comes.. I hope Nichole doesn't get annoyed with how much I will be asking about them or wanting TONS of pictures. Cause I am gonna need them to soothe my heart and to know they are okay. Which I know they will be but man i just don't know how everything will be.. I am gonna need a bottle of booze after this one to calm my nerves and my thoughts.
I know these girls are gonna have such great parents that will give them the best life they can give them. I am excited for Nichole and Pace to finally have their dream come true. Knowing how I am affecting their lives by making this decision makes it easier for me to do this. Nichole has become like my big sister that i never had and I am so excited for her to become a mommy and know the love for a child(s). She is gonna be great at it and I wouldn't want anyone else to parent these babies but them. Pace is going to become all soft being in a house full of girls! Feel sorry for that guy when menstral cycles come around lol. I am sure he doesn't mind those girls will be the apple of his eye and that warms my heart because I never had a father growing up watching over me or never had the opportunity to be a "Daddys girl" and it makes me so happy knowing that they will have a stable father who will always be there for them.
I have to think of what I want the girls to call me.. Nichole suggested "Mama Nikki" i think thats a good one.. I was more thinking of "BABY MAMA" (lmao inside joke) maybe to make it even cuter "Mama kiki" :)
Bottom line is these girls will have so many people there for them. They are going to be well taken care of and there will be no question about it. Yes I know its probably going to really hard for me to leave without all my babies and its going to get me somedays but at the end of the day I know that i made the right decision and I know Nichole and Pace are going to do a great job with them. I am honored to bestow two beautiful little blessings upon them.
No comments:
Post a Comment