Happiness Vs Sadness

   I am so excited to see the adoptive mother become a mom finally. I could only imagine the pain, trials, and tears she has gone through the last 8 years of infertility. I am happy to see her grow as a parent and watch her raise our little girls! I have an over whelming feeling of joy and happiness when I think about how everything is going to work out. I have become close with her and she is an amazing woman of many talents. She has the warmest caring eyes I have ever seen.

   I have looked into aura colors and we found out that she is a blue. Blues are the most giving and nurturing out of all the aura colors. They are the motherly color. Blues value relationships and spirituality above all else. They are the best givers. Blues live from their heart and they are the loving caretakers on the planet. If you want to know more about blues read this book " Life Colors" by Pamala Oslie

   This also made my decision a little bit easier knowing the blue aura color and what they are about. Yes its going to be a very happy time for her in her life and I am glad I can give it to her. It will be sad for me knowing what I have to do and try and keep strong throughout this whole process. What hurts me is they wont know me as "mom" at least not for a long while. It is her happiness and my sadness.

   I am giving someone happiness while I may suffer some sadness for awhile or forever. I know time will ease the pain and I know I will always be happy for my little girls in the life they will live. What is really sad is I can't give them the life they deserve. I cant provide for them and still be a mother and give them the time and dedication they deserve. My son I have now barely gets any of my time because I work a full time job trying to support us and pay the bills. His father and I have been through a rough patch and it really has taken a toll on us and on our son. His father has been trying to find a job but the town we live in doesn't have very many opportunities.

    So right now the weight is on my shoulders and being pregnant doesn't make it easier. I can be very emotional at times and just cry because I need to let out my frustrations and pain. I am trying very hard to make a life for our family and it hasn't been easy. I guess the good things don't come easily. I know we will make it through this and I know one day I will be in a place where I want to be and I will be happy again. Right now I can't complain I am doing the best I can and I have support from my sons grandparents. They are letting us stay there so I can save a couple checks to get into my own place once again. I will be forever grateful for them helping me out it really does mean a lot and I am planning on doing something very special for them to show them my appreciation for doing what they have done for me since I met their son.

   I really don't know how everything will play out I just hope I can stay strong and not regret making this decision for my little girls. I have picked such an amazing couple and I am growing closer to them everyday. They want me to be involved with the girls as much as I would like to be and I am going to be as much as I can. The adoptive mom and I talk everyday and she is like my best friend. She is really the only one I have opened up to about my feelings about everything since I chosen them to parent the girls.

   Its going to be a very bitter sweet thing and I can't wait to hold these little girls and give them all the kisses in the world. I am so happy for the adoptive mother to be able to do that as well! I can't wait.. we need to plan girl days with each other :D

   Happiness Vs Sadness I wonder which will prevail at the very end.. I am betting on Happiness.