Parts of My Heart

   I am almost at starting point of a new journey in my life and it feels like walking into a dark room not knowing what feelings may overcome you. I weigh out the pros I weigh out the cons. I feel the greatness in how this new journey in my life will benefit not only them and I but what will benefit everyone. I feel love, trust, respect, and like family with people I have just merely met. I am sharing parts of my heart. I have chosen open adoption.

  Adoption in my eyes is a wonderful act of kindness bestowed upon another woman who cannot bear children. Its a wonderful act of kindness to bestow upon a dad that is ready to be a dad as well. I would also like to point out how much of a blessing you are giving to another couple. Another couple who has the time to parent, love and nurture a child. Who can give them the time, dedication, commitment, and stability the child deserves.

   I know a lot of people see adoption as giving your baby up and I would like to say to you people that your wrong. It is not "giving up" your child its "giving them more." Giving them the best. Giving them more people who will love them. Looking out for their best interest. Looking out for your best interest. Blessing another family who can't make a family on their own. Sharing special pieces of your heart.

   Adoption can really be such a beautiful thing for the people involved. No, its not easy for anyone especially the birth mom which is me in this case. It was not a glorified time in my life at the time I decided adoption would be the better road to go down. I tumbled with it for a while and it ate me up inside. There was many many tears, hopelessness, guiltiness and depressed days and nights. That's all I thought about and I was a zombie with everything going on in my life and with the decisions I had to think about to make because I know that time is very limited.

   I am pregnant with twin girls who happen to be identical and very active inside my belly and who are growing under my heart but most importantly in my heart. I have a son who I absolutely adore and have unconditional love for. He makes my day everyday and I just love to kiss his chubby cheeks and squeeze him so tight. He is growing and learning so fast I feel like I just had him yesterday. I already know what it takes and what it is like to become a mother and its the best feeling in the world!

   I have finally come to a peace of mind with this decision. I have met two great people who I feel in my heart will take care of these two little girls and give them a life that I wouldn't be able to full fill and I am not scared to admit it to myself. I feel in my heart the love, joy and happiness this new journey has in store for me. I often think to myself about how great these little girls are going to turn out and how happy they will be. I often catch myself smiling and feeling proud. Yes, its going to hurt knowing they won't be calling me mommy and I won't get to be with them everyday but that's something I am going to have to ease through time and that's because I am making this very decision.

   I know everything is going to be okay and the girls will see how great their Mom and Dad are going to be. I know they will love their Mom and Dad very much because I know Mom and Dad are going to take good care of them. I hope they can understand one day why I chose this decision and be grateful for the way their lives turned out. I will always be in their lives and be here for whenever they may need me. I will still have a relationship with them. Not my girls but our girls...

   Soon to be Mom and Dad I hope your ready to embrace the gifts these children will bring to your life. Get ready to have little ones running around causing you grief, getting into everything, making messes, a bunch of snuggles, worthwhile moments, lessons, trial and errors, love and most importantly HAPPINESS!