Head Spinning

*sigh* I don't even know where to begin.

I didn't think I would be in the spot I am in today.. Trials and Tribulations over and over again. When does it end? Why does life have to be hard? I think a lot of my problems come from not having a good relationship with my parents. They both haven't really been there for me emotionally throughout my whole life and they still aren't there for me today. They don't call to see how I am doing. They don't call to see how their grandson is doing. It breaks my heart and makes me angry to know that they don't want to put in the effort still to this day. They go weeks or months without making any contact with me. It makes me wonder sometimes if I died today what would they think and how would they feel for not being the parents that they could be.

My mom has been there for me in the past when I was underage but she still wasn't there emotionally maybe physically but emotionally there was always a space. She no longer is there for me and as for my dad he comes and goes.

I understand everyone has their own life to live but I am their child.. It doesn't make sense in my head. If I had their love and support and knew I did then maybe I wouldn't always be falling off the road i am on. As my son grows and the girls grow I am going to show them that I am always there and I am going to be there when they need me. I don't understand why my parents are still so far in their own problems they can't take the time for their children. I have tried to make the effort and tried to see how they are doing but I never get it back.. I give up.


It just really sucks to think the people who brought me into this world don't care enough to make sure I am doing ok.. When I need them the most they are never there. I have tried to express to them how I feel but my words go unheard. When the people who gave me life don't seem to care it makes it extremely difficult for me to even want to be here on the planet.

Knowing that my girls will have both a mother and father who love them and will guide them and support them and keep them out of harms way makes me happy. Children are smarter when they have both mom and dad in their life helping them get through the trials and errors.

As for me I guess I will continue to do what I got to do and try to be happy once again and maybe one day the hole in my heart of my parents not being there will get patched or filled with something else... maybe it wont. Time can only tell..

I guess I made it this far without them who needs them now..