Ready to be settled.

Well i have been trying to decide what i am going to do.. Should i move to the city or stay in this town reminded of my past and bothered by the people who only try to break me down..

I went to the city for interviews and that was a bust.. Yeah more opportunites but more competition and no one really wants to hire a pregnant lady :-\ so i had to come back up to this small down disappointed and more stressed.

I still have my job. Thank god. And my co worker has been such a great help letting my son and i stay with her. Its not home but it will do until i find something for us. Which seems to be a challenge in itself because i cant find something in my price range with a short term lease.  I dont want a year lease because i dont want to stay up here more than i have to. I might move back to utah but i am still unsure about that.

I figure the best thing for me to do is wait till i have the girls to move that way i am not so stressed and causing them stress and that way i can lift boxes and have the energy to do it all.

I sure do miss having a place to call home its been almost 6 months being unstable and the holidays are coming and i just want to be able to go home and feel relaxed, feel whole, feel like i am home. I want to decorate. I want my son to know what home is.. I hate switching places all the time.

It would be nice if i had my family's support. I think its because i chose to do adoption and they look down on me. I dont care anymore... It just makes me feel like blood really doesnt matter because pretty much my whole life its been strangers or friends who have helped me in time of need. Family doesnt have to be blood and my life is living proof of that.

After i have these girls i think my life will change. I will be a lot wiser, stronger, and i wont put up with anyones shit. I feel once these babies are born i will also be reborn into someone new. And anyone who wants to judge me or try to break me will get a very rude awakening because i will be on the top this go around.

As for the adoptive parents i feel like they have been the parents i have been needing in this time in my life since my parents seemed to check out a long time ago. Pace and nichole (the adoptive parents) have given me guidence, emotional support, financial support, and given me strength and they always keep lifting me up when i fall. Me Giving them two beautiful little girls makes me happy. I know that they to will have such amazing people always in their lives to love and guide them through trials and error. They are gonna be amazing parents. I am glad i can give them something in return for helping me get through this stage in my life.

So for now i will stay where i am at and keep looking for something to get settled into before the holidays and keep moving forward and try to stay positive as much as i want to just run away. I will keep trying thats all i can do.